


Listen.

by elvenwolf



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Forgive Me, Gen, Sad, dwarves can cry, im so sorry, like very very sad, very sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-25
Updated: 2015-01-25
Packaged: 2018-03-08 23:50:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3228167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elvenwolf/pseuds/elvenwolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They started it all as a family. Maybe not a traditional one, but a family indeed.<br/>It’d be almost unnatural if they didn’t end it as one as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Listen.

“Kili! You stinky warg, you just bit me!” The elder bother’s shouts were not just a furious complain about the physical pain that now covered his left wrist, but a threat as well.

Kili had been all his life around his brother, definitely time enough to know when it was time to stop the metaphorical circling and start the literal running, preferably as far from his brother as he could manage before he got caught or until he found a place with walls and doors strong enough to keep him safe from Fili’s wrath, whatever happened first –which used to be the first one, to be honest-.

But this time Kili wasn’t running. He was long ago done with running.

“I would not have bit you if you had stopped toying around with my arrows when I told you to!” To support his accusation, the younger brother held up in his hand the arrowhead that had fallen to the ground with a metallic noise and waved it angrily right in front of Fili’s face. “I have not finished them, and you just ruined what took me hours!”

Fili was speechless.

_He had messed up with Kili’s arrows plenty times, but basically just to frustrate him enough to make him leave his work for a while and spend some time with Fili. The younger always got too dramatic over his arrows, and Fili knew that pulling the arrowhead out from the body of the arrow before it was molded to it was not such a big deal, since it could be easily fixed by simply putting the arrowhead back on._

_It was a habit that began long ago, when Kili decided he was old enough to try and make arrows on his own. He enjoyed it as a child would enjoy his favourite ice cream flavor, and Fili liked to just sit around and establish a light conversation with his brother, one that wouldn’t interfere with the younger’s concentration; sometimes they even didn’t need to talk, to them it was enough to just be in the same room, each one with their minds far away from the world, whether it’d be on the process of arrow making or just roaming between distant thoughts at the light of the warm fire. Slowly, as Kili started to grow up, he made them faster, he became quite an expert, and he could allow himself to be distracted by his surroundings without risking the process of the making._

_When Fili used to offer him to rest for a while and do something, Kili used to hum in agreement, and after finishing the step he was currently working in he would leave it and smile proudly to the elder. Sometimes he would just growl and slightly shake his head, not wanting to leave it right now, and Fili would just take a random arrow and wave it until the arrowhead just jumped out of its socket; and Kili would stare at him, brows furrowed and ready to shout at Fili, but he elder’s pleading look always reminded him how much time he was spending on the arrows instead, and he would leave it for a while. Fili’s way of bringing Kili back to the world started to became a habit too, to the point that Kili would carelessly make a specific arrow for Fili to take and mess with it and wake the younger up. It had settled down as a silent deal: Fili had permission to spoil that particular arrow in order to drag his brother’s attention back to reality._

_But as time passed, Fili started to notice his brother’s behavior. He had changed. Kili didn’t made arrows out of pleasure, not anymore. He began to use it as a way of scape. He forced his brain to focus only and exclusively on the arrows to avoid the dark thoughts that crawled into his mind like the night falls over a field when the sun sets: slowly, covering it all, swallowing every single spot of light._

_The way Kili frowned and dismissed him every time the blond dwarf tried to drag the younger out of his isolation was what proved Fili’s suspicions to be correct._

_And when Fili fulfilled his part of that silent bargain, Kili did not respond accordingly anymore. He simply ignored him. After the first times that Fili rioted and messed with the arrows that weren’t made for him to mess with, Kili learned to keep them away from his brother’s sight every time he finished one, until the work desk only had the one he had currently in his hands and the tools. And Fili was sick tired of it. He didn’t understand why Kili would close himself into that obsessive task, he didn’t understand Kili’s dark and angry looks when Fili rose his voice to blow up the bubble the younger had locked himself in, he didn’t understand what had he, or the rest of the world, done to him that he wanted to be away from all of them._

_At the end, Fili gave up. He was not proud of it, he didn’t want to give up on his brother, but he couldn’t take anymore the heavy and suffocating atmosphere. They spent almost a week barely exchanging more than a few words, and while they used to sleep in their beds always facing each other, now Fili turned his back to him. And Kili felt utterly and profoundly guilty, but he could not find words to apologize nor to explain himself, he could only glad at him over the meals or in between training breaks hoping Fili would understand what his look meant. And Fili did, Fili did understand perfectly. And he grew worried over the dark circles under his little brother’s eyes, knowing that this situation was not only leading into sleepless nights to himself, but to Kili too._

_But none of them said a word. And the sleepless nights continued on._

_Fili felt himself desiring to burn off the whole room Kili used to make his arrows. And Kili felt himself wishing his brother would burn it all off._

_It wasn’t until the day that would complete the whole silent-week when things changed._

_Kili woke up almost at midday, exhausted after a restless and disturbing night plagued with nightmares, his body jolting in surprise when a forceful grip shook his shoulder. He quickly put his right hand over his eyes before fully opening them so the intense light from the world outside wouldn’t blind him. On his left, the bed sunk down a bit due to the weight of an unknown body, and the same hand that had woken him up so roughly now rested lightly over the same spot. When he finally considered the level of luminosity safe enough, he looked to the stranger._

_Only it was not a stranger, it was Fili._

_Wonders never cease._

_Fili quickly moved away, getting on his feet and awkwardly clearing his throat. In the same way the elder didn’t miss the dark circles that still marked the skin under the younger’s eyes, Kili didn’t miss the way he clenched his fists, never meeting Kili’s gaze. He only does that when he is on edge, Kili recalled to himself. But before he could even open his mouth, Fili grunted four single words that got Kili up on his feet in less than a second._

_“Uncle Thorin is here.” And he marched out of the room._

_That had been the day the two sons of Dís became part of the fellowship, the day they both proved themselves worthy of such a quest, the day they stepped into a whole different, unknown and dangerous world. The day it all began to change._

_The packing and all the preparations were done under the influence of a dense and tense silence, only broken by the quick and sometimes unbalanced steps of the brothers hurrying throughout the rooms and halls and armouries. They wouldn’t stay in the same room more than the necessary, not when the anticipation and nervousness of the situation could lead to one of them actually stepping over the edge. Thorin had already parted, for he had to look for the rest of their companions and gather with their kin in the Iron Hills, leaving to his sister the indications the boys will need to get where the company will finally meet._

_Fili and Kili never did talk about that tortuous week, they never shared their thoughts, never argued about it. In fact, they both decided to leave it in the past and forget it, hoping the other would do the same. And when they gave Dís their last embrace, they looked at the other, knowing how much their lives were going to change. The tearful woman gave the elder brother three hair clasps for his braids, each one with a different name chiseled on it: his, his brother’s and his mother’s. The younger brother, since he had never fancied nor worn a braid, received a talisman, a soft and round shaped stone that shined with tones of blue, gray, black and white; with a promise craved beautifully on it. “Return to me”, it said._

_And they parted; they left behind their home in the Blue Mountains and rode south to the Shire._

_After the two three days, the silence was too hard to handle, having spoken only to ask and answer about their route, meals and stops. It was the fourth day of their journey when, thank Mahal –though there won’t ever be anyone in Middle Earth thanking any entity if they had been in their place-, Fili sneezed hard and unexpectedly while they were sitting over a rock at the river shore, quietly eating their meals. Chewed and unchewed pieces of meat sprawled all over Fili’s moustache, nose and even chest, and a look that danced between utter confusion and bewilderment for he didn’t even saw it coming. Kili needed the final count of a solid five seconds before his brain went through the initial shock caused by the startling and non-predicted sound, and he started to laugh almost hysterically. So uncontrolled and heartedly were his guffaws that tears started to fall down his cheeks and an embarrassed giggling escaped from Fili’s mouth._

_That was, of course, until Kili’s body heaved backwards in an attempt to catch air and due to the lack of support behind him fell directly to the river._

_At that moment, Fili’s laughter could be heard within miles of distance._

_After that, all the tension between the brothers seemed to disappear. Fili even offered the younger his spare clothes while Kili’s were left to dry off in the time they finished their meals and rested a couple of hours under the warmth of the sun and the comfort of an untouched and green grass._

_And on and on their journey went until the time came where they joined the rest of the dwarves, a wizard, and a hobbit. A curious company they were._

_Without his desk and his tools, Kili found another way of escape in words, in his brother, in stories shared at the light of a fire when the company was too tired to sleep, in new friends and new dawns. And now Fili faced Kili in their sleep again._

_Despite the danger constantly surrounding them like an eternal warning, everything was back normal once more._

_And for all that, Fili was now speechless._

It was the first time in a long, long time that Kili sheltered himself into the arrow making. So long that Fili had lost completely any memory concerning what he used to do in those cases. It wasn’t until a few minutes later that he regained his composure and reacted.

“You have got to be joking!” his voice raised more and more with every word, “What on earth is wrong with you?! Everything was fine, and now you fall back into this again?!”

“Me? Are you seriously trying to blame me on this?!” The brunet barked back, getting on his feet and confronting his brother.

Not far from there, a book was closed and left on the table, and a sigh of frustration came out Thorin’s body. He pinched the bridge of his nose with two fingers and closed his eyes for a moment, listening to the brother’s screams and trying to understand what had happened now.

Finding no answer, he tiredly got up from his chair and walked towards the noise. Since his entrance in the room seemed to have no effect on the fierce discussion between his sister-sons, he approached them and grabbed their shoulders rather forcefully.

“The right question here is, what is wrong with you two?” Thorin’s low and angry voice filled the room, so serious that it stopped the heirs of Durin right in their tracks.

“I have told Fili many times to not mess with my arrows.” Kili was the first to talk, throwing the elder a harsh look that did not match the exhaustion Thorin and Fili heard in his voice. “And he keeps ignoring me.”

“I am doing right the opposite, Kili.” The elder almost whispered, surprised by his brother’s dullness. “I am trying to bring you back here, since you seem to withdraw and lock yourself again in this stupid room, rejecting your own brother.” Fili’s temper started to rise, as so did his voice, and he could feel the embarrassment accompanying the tears that started to fill his eyes to Thorin’s disbelief. But Fili did not stop there, he never got the chance to tell Kili the pain that his behavior caused him, and now there was no stopping. “Long ago, before the quest to reclaim Erebor started, you spent weeks doing this. You shut yourself away, making stupid arrows, denying any form of socialism. You shouted at me if I tried to talk to you, you dumped me out if I tried to ask you to go for a walk or anything that did not imply being stuck here the whole day! And you never apologized, you never explained yourself.”

Thorin kept his arms on their shoulders, preventing any possible physical attack, but loosened his grip. He didn’t stop Fili, not now that he knew this was some kind of wound that never got the chance to heal completely. He looked at Kili, finding the young and vulnerable dwarf he used to see when he was a child reflected in the pained look he had while watching and listening to Fili.

“I had to find by myself that you were doing this because something was troubling you. Something big. You would not even let me talk, much less ask what was wrong. So, I had to find it by myself. And what do I find next?” He asked, cynicism flooding his voice and not even bothering on wipe out the tears that had started to slide down his cheeks. “That there was no way I could help you! I could do nothing!”

“Fili…” The brunet tried to interrupt, but Fili did not stop. He just couldn’t.

“And that is not the worst, no. The worst is that I saw you looking at me, trying to tell me that you were sorry, but never actually saying it.” Kili raised his eyebrows, not knowing that his brother had actually understood his looks, and slowly his vision became blurred because of the silent tears. “Did you ever think that maybe I could help? That maybe whatever was haunting you would weigh less if you shared it with me? I could do nothing,” he repeated, “you did not let me.”

Now it was Thorin’s turn to be speechless. He didn’t know anything about this. When he first arrived to Bilbo’s house, Fili and Kili had been as cheerful and reckless and comfortable around each other as always. But then he thought about the day he came to his sister to tell her about the quest, and he remembered the mood those two had brought with them since they were called upon him and their mother. He remembered how they wouldn’t even look at each other, nor exchanged a single word, but he had always blamed it to the quest and the responsibility it carried. Now he knew how wrong he was.

“Fili, there was nothing you could do.” Kili’s voice trembled, small and badly restrained tears on his face. “I did not know what was happening, I swear. I did not know what was troubling me, and I did not want you to fall with me. I am sorry, Fili.”

The elder’s brows furrowed, silently wondering why their uncle was just standing there, watching them and resting his hands over their shoulders. He didn’t understand, but he really appreciated the warmth his presence brought. Thorin was their family, wherever he went, they would follow.

“What is troubling you now.” Fili’s words came in a whisper, almost erasing the tone of the question and transforming it into a tired thought out loud. Kili blinked, knowing what his answer would bring, but he couldn’t keep it to himself anymore; and so the tears started to fall more intensively.

“I miss them.” Was his only answer.

Two things happened at the same time then.

Fili silently gasped, feeling his heartbeat quicken in pain, and he grimaced like a child about to cry. He was trying so hard not to sob, he really was; but he failed miserably.

Thorin held his breath, finally understanding why his younger nephew had been acting like this the whole day. His grip on their shoulders tightened unconsciously, sadness and grief pumping through his veins like water in a stream. Thorin felt himself clinging to every single bit of self-control to stop his eyes from watering.

Kili did not control himself. He was tired of it. And so his body fell forwards, his hands grabbing the neck of Fili’s vest as if darkness would swallow him if he dared to drop his brother, and deep down he feared it actually might happen. And he cried. He let loose his pain, only discovering that in this case, that didn’t ease it. His uncle’s grip turned into an embrace that swaddled both him and Fili, and he felt the elder’s sobs against his neck, unrestrained and almost as loud as his.

Thorin did not let go. Not for a long time. He didn’t stop his own tears either. Thorin felt the same void in his heart their nephews felt, and until now the three of them had done a really good job containing it. But every dam has a weak spot.

“I miss them, too.” Kili and Fili closed their eyes harder when Thorin’s voice reached their ears, a new wave of sobs flooding the room.

And when they felt themselves able to calm their hearts, they listened.

They just listened, craving the feeling of hearing their friends and family again.

They never let go of each other, they just stood there. Listening, for darkness always had been too dense to look through, and while it did not surround them, it created a wall between their world and the world where their friends belonged in.

It was a whisper first, a soft and quiet buzz, that slowly began to grew louder.

They heard Balin, humming a song that seemed to fit perfectly every step he made and every thud of the books he was moving and ordering from across the library. Kili, known for being the one who loved more than anyone hearing Balin’s songs, felt his brother’s and uncle’s grip grow tighter, and tried to suppress a new sob in order to keep listening.

They heard then Bofur complaining about Bombur eating his meal, whom simply replied “that is not true”, words muffled as he was still chewing his brother’s last remains of food, and in the background Bifur grunted some kind of insult in Khuzdul. Fili and Kili felt Thorin’s chest trembling with a soft and weak laugh, and a sad smile appeared in their faces.

Then was Glóin, who was heatedly arguing with his son about why one should not use axes at home. Gimli was about to angrily answer when Óin pressed the bandages harder than what was necessary to successfully shut the little dwarf up and added “listen to your father, by the Mahal”. Fili remembered then how persuasive Óin could be when it came about safety, and Kili knowingly pinched him over the only scar that had healed leaving almost no mark thanks to him. In response, Fili pressed them both harder against Thorin, emptiness growing bigger in their hearts.

Ori was next. All they could hear was the hiss of his quick writing over his notebook, and it seemed like if they could see him frowning upon the paper, focusing on every word. Next to him, Dori was babbling about good wine, obviously not realizing how openly and shamelessly the younger is ignoring him. At least, not until a grumpy Nori grunted “he is not even listening, Dori”. Thorin sighed, finding how much he missed the brothers’ constant fights, as much as the blond and the brunet missed them.

They heard Dwalin, grunting as his weapons collided with a metallic sound against his student’s ones. His voice, energetic and almost brutal, encouraging his pupil, and sarcastically warning him that he was not going to be happy if he was going to be sore tomorrow for nothing. At that point, Kili, Fili and Thorin let a soft laugh abandon their bodies, warmth mixing with sadness while the sounds of his friend’s companions filled their ears and hearts.

And then, the sound drastically changed.

The rough and dwarvish sounds and voices turned into birds, into the crackling of the flames on a little chimney, the sound of the smoke moving through a pipe they got to know well, and the occasional humming of a hobbit. They listened to Bilbo, whose companion had saved them more times that the dwarves could even count; Bilbo, who had faced his Bag-End self and decided to follow the Took inside him; Bilbo, who had not just been an extraordinary burglar, but also one of the best friends one could ever wish for. They had asked so much from him, and he gave it and more. Now, Thorin realized the horrors the hobbit went through, and he felt admiration rising inside him. The burglar, the hobbit, the friend. They listened to him on his armchair, and they felt they could almost smell his pipe-weed. Suddenly, the rustling of leather lead them in a short trip from the conformable armchair next to the fire, across the halls, and finally outside.

“Let’s do it.” They heard the hobbit sighed, the sound of wind and birds increased.

Thorin, Fili and Kili waited patiently and curiously, wondering what could the metallic and wooden sounds mean. There was silence for a moment, being the breathing of the hobbit the only thing that confirmed he was still there. And when they heard the sound of grass, leaves and dirt being removed, Thorin felt his heart beat almost painfully, remembering Bilbo’s little secret. There was a little sniff, and a shaky breath. And then a weak laugh. Fili and Kili tried to blink away the tears, not understanding why their friend was crying and feeling a new wave of pain from the sound. They finally dared to look up only to find Thorin with his eyes tightly closed and the marks of recent tears on his cheeks; and the sight, despite confusing, sent a lash of desperation and sadness through the bothers’ cardiac hosts.

It was then, right before the connection was cut off and they ceased to hear anything from the other world, when Bilbo Baggins weakly whispered,

“I have never had an Oak tree in my garden before.”

**Author's Note:**

> There were actual tears on my face while writting the end of this. Maybe it does not look so sad for you, being my first fic here I'm sure you've seen worse (sorry), but I kinda couldn't control the feels. It is kind of a way of convincing myself those three would never be really gone (the wound is still open as you can see)
> 
> Anyway, thanks for those who read it, really!


End file.
